December 28, 2004

Year Ender


Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up
And I give up

I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go
There's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long

Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go
There's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go
So dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know
You can see right through me
So let me go
and you will find someone

Here I go
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go
There's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one

My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

- Only One, Yellowcard

October 04, 2004
At The Office

At least ten people carry guns with them for kicks.

One team captain from California spent two years in jail for paralyzing two people and shooting another to death.

They talk about sex as if it were basketball. And anyone who hasn't played the game is looked down upon.

They take two to three of these pills every time we go out. I thought they were aspirin for the longest time. "Valium? Oh."

For those who are married, having an affair is nothing out of the ordinary.

Two people meet in the elevator, sleep with each other after work, and meet the next day saying: "I didn't get your name."

+

There are times when I feel like I just don't belong there. My place is in class. Reciting.
Beside someone.

Astigishpopshit

From Yahoo Messenger:

Moe: How old are you?
Claire: 13 po.

Claire: btw, are you a girl?
Moe: No.

September 28, 2004
The Code


From within this webpage
Lies a hidden message

It's elementary. Whoever gets it has a beer on me. Promo ends Friday.

1. Nikki
2. Cap
3. Dan
4. Tiepee

Game over.

September 27, 2004
Looting Bastards

I've been hanging out at the auto repair shop since ten this morning, and I have thirty minutes to write this before I have to go back.

Going straight to the point, oil is leaking into the engine's cylinders and that's why a huge cloud of blue smoke comes out of the exhaust every time I hit the accelerator.

First price the repair guys quoted me was six grand. This included a new set of piston rings, a valve cover gasket, an exhaust manifold gasket, plus the actual labor.

Seems like every minute they discover a part that has worn out and that may well be the cause of the problem. They also end up convincing me that that part just HAS to be replaced.

Who would've thought that mechanics would make good salesmen, too.

"Ay, makaka-mura po kayo nito ser!"

Now we're looking at getting a new set of valve guides, valve springs, and having the whole head taken to the machine shop for an overhaul added on top of that.

That'll be nine big ones by the end of the day. Given that no more mystery defective parts emerge.

And that's why I had to go home. I need to go through my sister's wardrobe and find her hidden stash of money, or all those brawny mechanics just might beat the shit out of me with their wrenches.

I've had only three hours of sleep, only thing I had for lunch was a bag of Oishi prawn crackers, and I have work tonight.

September 26, 2004
Alcohol Deficiency

I miss getting drunk. Not to mention all the baggage that came with it.

Toasting to everything we could think of. Flirting with everyone in sight. Forgetting all my Tagalog and becoming British.

But more than that, I miss the happiness it brought.

Enough hinting. I'm pretty sure you guys already know what I'm coming at here.

"Potswing na itech."

Words From The Zog King

I know how I can go on and on ranting about what a jerk my dad can be. There are times though, that I wish I'd grow up to be half the man he is.

I drove him to the bus station today. In thirty minutes or so, the world seemed clear. And it was like I had the best dad in the world.

"There's no point in having a job where you're not happy. Not unless you're already waste deep in shit."

"For every problem there's a solution. It may be hard sometimes, but it can be done."

"Always remember that in this world there are rules. And that you're paid to follow these rules. All you can do sometimes is just smile. Just be patient."

"Not everyone thinks the way you do. Remember that. When you're the boss, then you can start making some changes."

"I want you to learn from my mistakes, because if you learn from YOUR mistakes... It hurts."

"That's the purpose of being a parent. So that you don't have to go through what I did."

"... Those are the realities of life."

Afternoon Cheer

Haha one of my friends from uerm just told me na angaling mo daw sa pagmmc, ganda daw ng boses mo, yeahhh naman =P

Sender:
Fiona
+63927...

Sent:
22-Sept-2004
12:26:18

+

Thanks. Seems sincere compliments come once in a blue moon these days.

This one made me smile. And given my recent state of utter depression, that usually takes some doing.

The Colgate Ad On YM

... Is way cool.

Sm:)e

September 22, 2004
Tired

"Hey man, you look tired."
"Yeah, long day."

"No, that's not what I meant."
"Huh?"

"You look tired of life."

+

He nailed it with that statement. Funny how people can just make perfect sense.

I think the secret to happiness is always having something to look forward to.

I also think it's no secret that I'm running out of those somethings.

I can't breathe.

I don't belong here.

I want out.

September 20, 2004
The Twitch

I've had a nasty twitch on my right eye for some time now. Every two minutes or so it sorta flickers.

I guess that happens when you stare at a monitor for fourteen hours a day. This is probably the closest I'll get to being a pirate.

Ahoy, scurvy landlubber! Shiver yer timbers!

September 19, 2004
It's A Cold, Sad And Cruel World

Just a reminder. I am under the influence of alcohol. Whether that's a good or bad thing, I leave up to you.

I always thought we lived in this happy little world where everyone got a long fine and everything was just peachy.

Where the sun shines, flowers bloom, people wave hello, and everything is just A-OK.

Then I hear these horror stories about people getting shot or stabbed.

People who can't go to school because they don't have the five bucks for a jeepney ride.

People who eat rotten food just to experience swallowing something solid for a change, only to throw up the whole night.

People who resort to plastic bags and overpasses during the rain.

People who've forgotten their birthday because no one's ever greeted them.

It's half past three and I just got home from Vea's debut.

I haven't seen the stars in so long. The sky hasn't been this clear in a while. Staring at it, it really is beautiful.

Funny. I can still name the constellations.

Yeah, the world can be cold, sad and cruel at times.

But you know what?

I'll take it. If only for nights like this and friends like them, I'll take it.

4:06

The whole night I thought about it. The whole night I thought about her.

The only girl who ever mattered.

The only girl who meant the world.

The only girl who I couldn't even begin to imagine life without.

And how that only girl was cuddling with someone who wasn't me.

I've heard it from practically everyone. Toni, AK, Kevin, Dipa, Voltaire.

Last Friday I heard it from Mina.

"Move on."

I will not.

Not until I hear it from her.

September 18, 2004
The Prank Tagger

Apparently some gutless wonder's been running around impersonating other bloggers.

Man, you are one sad little fuck with nothing better to do. Quit wasting your time and ours.

To Vea, Grace and everyone who recently removed their boards: Put them back up. I'm sure the majority of us know you well enough and wouldn't believe such crap.

Let's not give in to this pusillanimous anathema.

Last time something like this happened was a year ago. Remember Keiko the plagiarizer?

That was funny. Seems I've been left out of the loop again. Or has the prank tagger pretended to be me as well?

Bitter

Che: "Si kuya, ang bitter."
Moe: "Hell yeah, I'm bitter!"

I mean, who wouldn't be? I think I need a secret blog.

:(

Losing Stuff

I lost my stupid proximity card. Now I have to pay three hundred bucks and wait a whole month to get the sucker replaced.

Yesterday. Went to UST to see how things were going. So happened the new parking lot just opened. Lucky me.

After another afternoon of drama, I decided to head for home. Voltaire, Ynee and these two freshman girls who kept saying "po" and calling me "kuya" were riding along up to the Rotonda.

I hand over my ticket to the parking lot dude.

"Gas ticket po ito ser."

Went through my stash of receipts and tickets. "McDo. Shell. McDo. Allegro. Petron. Discovery. Ministop. McDo."

I lost the fucking ticket. What was supposed to be twenty bucks for three hours turned into two hundred bucks for a piece of paper that said "UST Pay Parking".

Why do I have this gut feeling that when I clean the car later, I'll see the stupid ticket hidden in the glove compartment or something.

TC! Lumilindol!


Three nights ago, around four in the morning.

I was helping a customer out on a billing concern when it happened. The whole building started to tremble.

"Uh, ma'am? Mind if I put you on hold for one second? We're having an earthquake."

I haven't been so scared in my life.

I couldn't think straight, I wasn't breathing right, I was shaking like a leaf, I started to panic. Man, I seriously thought I was going to die.

At the height of everything, one of my bosses happens to walk past my station.

"Don't log out. Continue to take in calls."

I wanted to strangle her. "We're all going to die you brainless invertebrate!"

Quake went on and off for about five minutes. The whole floor was on their feet.

Apparently, the building stands on top of these "rollers" which supposedly keep it from collapsing during earthquakes.

Add those rollers to the fact that we're based on the 33rd floor and you get fear magnified tenfold.

Stupid line of the day: "Hangin lang 'yan!"

For Vea

HAPPY 18TH!

It started with Baka ng Batangas. A million hugs later, here we are. One for good luck, another for good looks. Cheers.

September 15, 2004
More On The Point Of No Return

"Keep the customer on the line for Hotcut."
"Hotcut successful."

Four integrated lines in less than an hour, baby. I'm at 117% for the cycle.

September 13, 2004
Tina Tagged



OH.
MY.
GOD.

First time she actually left a message here. I'm so happy.

(",)

September 05, 2004

All That Shimmers

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low
Feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside
Isn't on the label

She says she's ashamed
And can she take me for awhile
And can I be a friend
We'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend

We're here and now
But will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world
Is sure to fade away

Again

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise
Pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies
Reality escapes her

She says that love
Is for fools that fall behind

And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend

We're here and now
But will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world
Is sure to
fade away

Again

It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away


Guess I'll let it go.

- Shimmer, Fuel

September 04, 2004
Horrors!

I lost two grand.

That would've been a lot easier to swallow if I'd gotten into a fight with a dozen street goons threatening to put a hole in my gut if I didn't hand it over.

But no-oooo. I accidentally dropped it for some other lucky fuck to find. Bastard could be buying a new pair of kicks right now for all I know.

+

"Maybe someone needed it more than you".
- Mom

Right. I really, REALLY doubt that.

"Horrors!"
- Camille

That's more like it.

"Charge it to stupidity."
- Jojo

Bingo.

September 03, 2004
The Replacement

Mina's debut happens tomorrow night. Been looking forward to it all month.

Moe: Why don't we all ride together? That'd be fun. Just like old times.

Kevin: The girls are riding with the replacement.

There's this new guy from class who's been all over Tina and the rest of the girls like anything.

That used to be our job.

I think another chapter of "The Tina Chronicles" is about to be written.

+

For the glue that holds the pieces of The Gang together, Mina... Happy birthday!

September 02, 2004
Questions, Realizations

"Do you feel lost?"
"Yes."

"Do you feel confused?"
"Yes."

"But why?"
"Hey, yes or no questions only."

"Please?"
"Okay."

+

Remember when you were a kid?

You'd take what seemed as these five-hour drives with your folks, but in reality was just another twenty-minute trip to the grocery.

You look out the window and everything seems to zip by so fast. Everything becomes a blur.

And you don't know where you are. And you feel lost. And you feel confused.

Life at this point is that car ride. And I'm looking out the window.

September 01, 2004
The Point Of No Return

September first, two thousand four. Mark it. This day has just gone down in history.

"Keep the customer on the line for Hotcut."
"Hotcut successful."

August 30, 2004
Jumping Gigawatts!

"I just made love with your sweet memory one thousand times in my head."

- The World Has Turned, Weezer

It's been a year since the Tina post. Thought I'd stroll down memory lane.

Maybe "stroll" isn't the best word to use.

Thought I'd stumble, fall, and roll down memory lane... Breaking my heart in the process.

Damn that was cheesy.

+

My comments are in this color.

[August 30, 2003]
"I looked down and blocked out everything. The people, the noise, the constant shouting of my name, then hers, then his. Most of all I blocked out the fact that it was him holding her hand... And not me."

And thus began the Moe-Tina-Kevin love triangle that will someday be the focal point of an Artistang Artlets production. One to tell the kids about.

[September 01, 2003]
Gelo: "If you love the girl, let her be."
Cap: "At least be happy for her."

Confucious' advice didn't mean shit compared to what these two had to say.

[September 04, 2003]
"Moe ba't ka wala?"
"Labnat."

Cap's line. This was after I had cut class for a week, and Tina asked me why.

[September 08, 2003]
"hi moe.. musta na? uhmm.. pask ka na tom ha.. dam naghahanp sayo.. tska bka ma FA ka.. u had a gud start.. dnt waste it.. un lng.. see u in clas.. nyt..(",)"

Sender:
Tina
+63916...

Sent:
7-Sept-2003
23:18:32

I still have this message in my inbox. And I still remember getting up at two in the morning just to write about it.

[September 15, 2003]
I haven't waved hello. She hasn't smiled. We haven't spoken. They have no idea.

Why is that?

I'll tell you why. It's because you never made a move, you dolt.

[September 18, 2003]

We haven't spoken in what seems to be an eternity. I believe this is what you call the "awkward stage".

Ugh, the dreaded "awkward stage". People who've been there before say "I".


[September 19, 2003]
"Game Cap! Ito na talaga! Kakawayan ko na!"

Walking. Walking. Looking down. Looking up. *DING!* SHE smiles and waves at me. Pretty sure I waved back. But I think I smiled at the ground.

Holy jumping catfish Batman! There IS a God!

They say that there's always a light at the end of the every tunnel. I saw that light at Wonderful Wendy's.

[September 20, 2003]
I think we're past the "awkward stage". Waved hello before Literature practice. She waved goodbye after.

The highs of "Hi's" and "Goodbye's".

[September 22, 2003]
We're back to talking now. After class, anyway.

She's so sweet and pretty. And I'll never get tired of saying so.

She IS so sweet and pretty. And I'm still not tired of saying so.

[September 23, 2003]
Oh, I'm back to kidding around with Tina again. Well, not intentionally. I love tilting my chair back while in class, and I almost fell off during English period. She laughed at me.

That counts, right?

Of course it does. So to all the guys making pa-cute... Take notes.

[September 24, 2003]
It's only crap if our president does the pushing and shoving. But when our head stage manager with her hair tied back takes over... Count me in.

Go ahead, take one big guess who our head stage manager is.

Didn't exactly hold her hand but, it was close enough.

I'm such a sucker for pony-tails. Tension!

[September 24, 2003]
I ended up walking alone. With each step I thought of Tina.

This was from the "Love Is In The Air, And It Stinks" post. I still take those walks every now and then.

[September 30, 2003]
"Uy Moe, sorry ha..."
"Hala, for what?"
"Sana hindi ka nalang pumasok."
"What, stay home and not see you? I'm in love with you Tina."

Actually, I didn't say that last line.

Yeah, you melted down to your shoes when you saw her smile. From the "Phonecall From Heaven" post.

[Novemeber 03, 2003]
Took Thea's advice and saw Identity tonight. Two thumbs, WAY fucking up.

Identity. First movie I saw with Tina.

[January 01, 2004]
I heard her voice again. I imagined seeing her smile. I remembered how happy I felt the last time I hugged her goodbye.

My year couldn't have started any sweeter way. Well the wine, sparklers and lobster dumplings may have helped as well.

Whatever. Cheers.

I have no idea why I went so long without writing about Tina. I just remember calling her up that midnight. It was priceless.

[January 15, 2004]
Dinner with Tina, Toni and Mina after class. What I expected was a few laughs coupled with some fries on the side. What I got was a lecture on how I'm "wasting my life on beer and cigarettes".

Guess they were right all along. We can laugh about it now, Toni throwing a tantrum and some fries. That was a classic.

[February 11, 2004]
I miss the way things were.

We weren't talking at all. It's as though the world collapsed from beneath my feet.

[February 25, 2004]
* juneau "hey tina you don't know me but i want to give you a piece of my mind"

* juneau "do you enjoy making people feel lost?"

* juneau "look, my friend here, he's in love with you like shit. he talks about you EVERYTIME."

Nikki has got to be still the coolest person I know. I worship her.

[February 29, 2004]
Tina isn't everything.
She's the only thing.

So everyone who's telling me to "move on" or "find someone else" can just shove it.

Everyone was telling me to move on at this point. I just couldn't. I can't. I won't.

[March 22, 2004]
Eight months and my head still turns. My jaw still drops. My eyes still refuse to blink. My knees still shake. My thoughts still wander... And my heart still stops.

I am so in love with her.
Still.

Eight months. A year. An eternity. It doesn't matter. I'll wait.

+

Breaking my heart in the process? Hardly.

The Reunion

The Gang got back together last Friday. Last time we were complete was in March.

So there's me, Kevin, Francis, Voltaire, Mina, Tina, AK and Toni.

It was fun being a kid again. I missed it.

We were having dinner. It was around ten in the evening, and I hadn't slept a wink for a little over twenty-four hours.

Mom messages me: "Come home now. You need to sleep."

I'm working and I still feel like a six-year-old sometimes. Mothers can do that to you.

Anyway.

I was hugging everyone goodbye. Tina came up to me last. I was about to tell her how nice it was seeing her again when she beat me to it.

She whispered something in my ear that set off a reaction in me to rival the Big Bang.

"I miss you."

The Universe was unfolding. The world around me was coming into form. My whole freshman year flashed before my eyes.

I felt so confused.

I felt so happy.

I felt so in love.

"Uh-oh."

August 23, 2004
Holy Fruitloops!

"... wait, you do know it's been almost a month since you last posted, don't you?? :)"

+

It's not that I don't want to write.
I just don't think the world's ready to read.



July 26, 2004
Sonastalgia

Try going through your "My Documents" folder and see what wonders lie within.

I found a reaction to last year's state of the nation address. Here's the introduction:

I'm not really a fan of government or poli-tricks or current events or state of the nation addresses. But in one way or another, I catch a glimpse of how the whole system works.

I've come up with this conclusion: Either running a country well is just like filling a strainer with water, or every leader we've practically had has sucked at doing so.

Politics

(I read this somewhere.)

This is how we've come up with the term:

/poli/ Latin for "many".
/tics/ English for "blood sucking creatures".

Ergo.

Fame


Had a few beers at Treehouse, Don Antonio with my high school buddies the other night.

It was raining like crazy, so the guard had to escort me with an umbrella from where I was parked.

"Artista ba kayo ser?"
"Ako? Hindi po..."
"Ang gandang lalaki n'yo ser eh. Akala ko artista kayo."

About an hour later a girl comes over to take Patch's order. She steps up to me first.

"Hi, do you work at Ambergris?"
"Yeah!"
"You're Moe, right?"
"Uh, yeah... And you are?"
"Pam. I used to be with MCI."

I know it's a worthless post, but give me a break. It's the first time something like this has happened.

July 25, 2004
Pickup Lines


Courtesy of Von.

Guy: Pagod ka na ba?
Girl: Hindi naman, bakit?
Guy: Kasi kanina ka pa tumatakbo sa isip ko.

Guy: Parang kang keyboard.
Girl: Bakit naman?
Guy: Kasi type na type kita.

And my personal favorite...

"Ikaw lang ang bubblegum na nginunguya ng puso ko."

Learning Things The Hard Way


When you ignore a "no U-turn" sign and get nabbed by an MMDA dude who holds your license for ransom... You're learning things the hard way.

When you attempt to beat the traffic by taking an alternate route only to find even more traffic... You're learning things the hard way.

When three days later you park along a "no parking" zone, come back after an hour, find out your car has been towed, walk eight blocks to the impounding area, and pay one and a half grand just to get it back... You're learning things the hard way.

July 22, 2004
Dumberer


I tend to neglect locking my phone at times. It happened again today. When I woke up two very significant messages were gone.

I had obviously rolled over it while sleeping, and amazingly, went through the sequence of opening my inbox and deleting the first two messages in the process.

The funny thing is this isn't the first time something like this has actually happened. I've found myself without credit more than once, only to find out I've been accidentally calling people right and left.

The two that got erased were from Mads and Camille (the trainer from MCI).

I've memorized the one from Camille, since this is the first message she ever sent me.

+

All moanday,
tearsday,
wailsday,
thumpsday,
frightday,
shatterday. -
James Joyce.
thanks moe, you
make my days
better. = )

Ain't that sweet. And notice she doesn't use shortcuts either.

+

Speaking of sheer stupidity. I lost another converter. That makes six.

Dumb And Dumber


Agent 1: *With matching accent*
"Do you mind if I put you on hold for about two minutes while I go research on that?"

Agent 1: *Approaches Agent 2*
"Mare, saan yung England?"

Agent 2: "Ay, sa Ireland yata yun."

Agent 1: "Sure ka? Alam ko sa London."

*Agent 1 apparently does some research*

Agent 1: "Ay, sa UK pala."

+

Bravo. We have a genius on the floor.

July 21, 2004
Spent


I'm so tired I can't even write. And I've been on the floor for what? Two days.

Training was fun. But we all have different shifts now, not to mention different stations. So I don't get to see my trainer or my classmates as much.

It gets redundant, doing the same shit day in and day out for nine hours. Sometimes I just want to put an axe through the monitor.

I don't know. I'm getting that lost feeling again. It's like I have the loneliest job in the world.

I'm under the best team captain too, and that doesn't make things any easier. She gets real pushy when it comes to, let's see here... Everything.

Nothing seems to be going right for me at this point. I can't sleep right. Heck, I can't even eat right. I feel spent.

And I miss everything. I miss everyone.

July 18, 2004
Graduation


I have my diploma right in front of me. First time I actually looked at it.

"MCI/Ambergris Solutions Certificate of Achievement

Awarded to Marcelo, Robert

For successfully completing MCI Nationwide Customer Service Training.

April 26 - June 18 2004"

When the Team Captain handed it over she asked me, "So, what do you have to say?"

"Hey cool, thanks." Then I shoved the paper into my bag.

And that's when I saw my other classmates. They were jumping around, hugging each other, smiling and rejoicing like they won a million dollars. I was like, "O-kaaay."

Guess the bottom line is I take too many things for granted. But seriously, I couldn't see what the big deal was.

I hit the floor next week. My schedule as of now is 8PM to 5AM, Mondays through Fridays.

Visit me, I'm begging you. 37th floor, left wing.

Talent

Ever since I was a kid, I always had a knack for saying something totally crappy and yet having others believe every letter of it.

My dad used to call me "the manipulator".

I remember back in high school. During the times when teachers would call on me to recite and I didn't have a clue. I'd completely make up something, using words like "given" and "logical" and "therefore".

And they'd buy it.

"Yes Moe. Very good. But in simpler terms..."

Then they'd go right ahead and give us the correct answer.

It's not what you say, but HOW you say it.

+

Moving on... We were handed out letters yesterday, prior to the certificates. The letters informed us if we had passed the training or not.

They should've given me a "Best Actor" award or something, too.

Like I said, I wasn't exactly enthralled by the whole experience. I just sat there. Had about two minutes before logging out.

Classmate comes up to me and asks what's wrong.

Out of the blue, I go: "I didn't make it."

Truth is I was bored in sleepy. But like I always say, it's nice to have fun once in a while, even at the expense of others.

If I slip while walking, I'm the first one to laugh at myself. The world doesn't laugh at you. The world laughs with you.

Anyway. Classmate goes: "Hindi nga Moe..."

In two seconds, right there and then, I was able to conjure the proper explanation to back it all up:

"You're only allowed one Tier 1 during training.

Remember the two LD installs I had the other day? The ones that didn't push through TPV? Well apparently the numbers had PIC freezes on them, and installing a new account on an ANI with a PIC freeze on it is equivalent to a slam.

That's two Tier 1's for you right of the bat.

The third came today. I accidentally released a customer when I consulted with TNT.

The LD installs reflected on Jill's audit, and IMS caught the release on a remote monitor. Jill says there's nothing she could do."

Course she didn't believe me. Here's when it gets exciting. I became teary eyed and walked out.

The news spread like wildfire. Thirty minutes later I was downstairs having a smoke, and half of the class came up to me. Hugging me and saying sorry.

You should've seen the disappointment on their faces. I felt so touched and so guilty at the same time.

"Jill gave me my resignation papers just now. Wait, let me show you."

I showed them the letter indicating I had passed.

Renee: "Wag mo na kong kakausapin Moe!"
KC: "I hate you!"
Cy: "Moe namannnn!"

I love those guys. They took it so well. Would've been neck deep in shit otherwise. We all went to Atchie's after that to celebrate.

Yes, I can be mean at times. But you know what? Having fun and laughing about it are just as important as certificates and awards in my book.

Cla



You're the only guy in my 18 wishes.. Kya dpat andun k.. Please?

Sender:
Cla
+63917...

Sent:
12-July-2004
10:25:2

+

How can I possibly say no to that? Like I said. I just had to be there. Even if it meant staying for only an hour, I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Cla was just so beautiful, and I couldn't help but stare at her. She was talking to me and everything she said came in one ear and went out the other. Seeing her again, I just felt so happy.

+

Had to write my wish down for someone else to read. It was rather long, but I guess it all summed up to this:

I know I'm only allowed one wish, but let me break the rules just this once.

Seeing you tonight Cla, and how beautiful you are, I just wish I could've stayed a bit longer. I feel so happy now, remembering the days when I used to sit with you in class. All the talks we had, all the jokes, all the drama. I miss them. And I miss you.

My second wish of course, is for you. I wish you all the happiness the world has to offer. The same feeling I experienced just now. You have no idea how amazing it is, getting to be with you again. I can't even put it to words.

And that's it. Happy birthday Cla. Have a good one. This beer's for you.

+

You know what else was amazing? The food! Man, I was so hungry I could've eaten dirt.

There was Carbonara, tempura, kebab, and my favorite... Baked tahong with melted cheese and chili.

I died and went to heaven. If you had to eat the same office glop day in and day out, you would've too.

July 16, 2004
The Perils Of Working


Or should I say "training".

I'm home alone. My relatives from the States are in town and the whole Marcelo clan went to Villa Escudero for the weekend.

There's one simple rule for attendance at MCI. If you're absent once during training, your ass is fired.

Mom messages me:

"Moe, ask your boss if you can take the day off. Mamu feels really bad that you won't be joining us."

I'm with MCI and I'm on training. The policy isn't that hard to understand.

Oh well, guess I'll be able to join them again in five years or so. Hopefully by then I'll be entitled to actually have some fun.

It's also Cla's eighteenth birthday tonight.

Course I wouldn't miss this even if I were chained to wall in Iceland, surrounded by ten miles of snow.

It starts at 7:30, so I'll have around half an hour to greet her, grab a quick meal, say hello to all my classmates who I haven't seen for the longest time, then say goodbye.

The reality of this is sickening.

July 15, 2004
Will Power


I just discovered my mutant powers. I can make things happen just by willing it.

Rough night. It was my last break, and I was going down to get some air.

Thought to myself, "Krys'll be there."

And there she was, wearing a small soccer jersey, jeans and sneakers. We talked for a while, and things seemed to lighten up a bit.

After my shift. I was sitting along the steps of JMT alone, since everyone else went ahead. Just didn't want to go home just yet.

"Camille should be just around the corner."

I stood up and looked around. Saw her, not twenty feet away. I smiled and waved hello. She happily returned the favor.

Made my way to EDSA after that. Was about to pass McDonalds along Julia Vargas.

"Cecille and Renee'll be there and they'll probably invite me for breakfast even."

Exactly that happened. They were waving at me through the window. And Cecille looked really cute with her hair tied up.

Last leg of my journey home. I was a block away from the house, kicking rocks and singing along just like always.

"Shimmer and I Think God Can Explain are going to play before I reach the gate."

Next two songs were exactly those. Chose them primarily because of Cecille.

"Hey, cool!"

I'm sitting here now, ready to push my powers to the limit. Sure hope they don't fail me.

"When I wake up this afternoon, there's going to ba a Porsche right up front with the keys already inside."

July 13, 2004
The Problem With Acronyms


Because of overuse, people tend to forget what they really mean. And aside from being redundant, it gets annoying at times.

"I don't have a PIN number."

"I can't verify the SSN number."

"The ATM machine's offline."

"Good luck on the UPCAT test."

"College of CSB."

"Get plenty of LOS, okay?"

For your FYI: LOS means "lots of sleep".

There are probably a hundred more, but you get the picture.

July 07, 2004
Thinking Out Of The Box


We had a writing exercise in class today. It's supposed to teach you how to think "out" of the box.

Mechanics:
You're given five random words. Compose a paragraph using those five words. The only rule is that you have to begin with the phrase "I remember..."

The five words:
orange
love (verb)
umbrella
cigarette
Boracay

What I wrote:

I remember the first time you walked into the room, and into my life.

You were more beautiful than the orange sun kissing the horizon in the endless Boracay sky.

With each day that passes. With each umbrella that closes. With each step I take alone. It's you I remember.

I'm down to my last cigarette. And as its quiet glow seems to fade away ever so slightly, just like the thought of us being together, I am left with one memory.

That day when you walked in, and how clear my life seemed at that very moment.

I guess there's nothing else to do now, but light another cigarette. And see how long the glow will last this time.

I love you still.

+

Trainer explains how five simple words can turn into something "more" just by thinking "out" of the box.

On the contrary, I'm still thinking within the same box as I did a year ago.

+

Trainer: Why the cigarette?
Moe: The glow fading away and me lighting another one is a metaphor for "moving on".

The analogy sinking in yet?

July 06, 2004
Cancer Represent


Two more birthdays today.

To my trainer, and still the best MCI trainer in the cosmos, Jill. Happy birthday!

To my Starbucks love discussion partner, or should I say "in-love" discussion partner, Mads. Happy birthday!

Manlibre naman kayo.

July 05, 2004
Triumph Of The OC


Board's fixed. Who the man?

Baba's Birthday

Happy birthday to my sister, who just turned "sweet" sixteen.

I remember that year. Nothing sweet about it at all.

July 04, 2004
Well Done, Sherlock


Had a few beers with some of MCI's trainers Saturday morning, after hours. This was before seeing Spider-Man with Krys.

I guess my habit of hanging out with my teachers instead of my classmates carried on even up to work.

I felt comfortable. Alcohol does that to you occasionally. Jill, my trainer, suddenly asks me a question:

"Moe, who's Tina?"

And there I went, pouring a year's worth of stories and sorrows out. I felt like Caesar, using words like "love", "meaning" and "happiness".

Yeah, lend me your ears. Then it occured to me, how did THEY know about her?

Turns out they have access to all of the agents' passwords for Windows, TMACS, System One, as well as the NT server.

"Oh."

July 03, 2004
Spider-Man 2


Moe: Wow, nice movie.
Krys: Dude, "nice" is an understatement.

Watched Spider-Man 2 with Krys today. Yeah, cute girl from the elevator.

I just found out that she plays soccer, break dances, and plays the guitar. How cool is that?

Back to the movie. Two thumbs way up. It rocked. Was so good that I didn't realize our arms were crossed at one point.

The Jesus moshpit train scene ticked me off a little, but it's all good. Definitely seeing it again.

"I'm not an empty seat anymore."

On A Roll, Won A Roll

Guess who's ranked first in sales and quality this week.

Drumroll, please...

Me.

Yeah! Number one, baby! I won a cake roll. That plus the awe of the class.

July 01, 2004
One Of Them Cheesy Posts


Cheesy post. If you're having a crappy day, I advise you not to continue.

On with my story. I was about an hour into my shift. Queue wasn't that high. A call comes in.

Moe: Thank you for calling MCI customer support, my name is Moe. How may I assist you today?
Caller: Yeah, I just have a few questions about my bill.
Moe: OK, I understand that you're calling in today because of a billing concern, correct?
Caller: That's right.
Moe: Let me go right ahead and help you with that ma'am, alright? And who am I speaking with?
Caller: Tina.
Moe: Say that again?
Caller: This is Tina.
Moe: Oh, hi Tina. How are you doing today?
Caller: I'm doing just fine. And how about you Moe?
Moe: Well quite honestly, I'm smiling now.
Caller: *Chuckles* And why is that?
Moe: A person very special to me's also named Tina.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

Cute Girl Again

Saw Krys thrice today. Every time I take my break, she just keeps popping out of nowhere. Not that I'm complaining.

I just love the way she dresses. Sneakers, blue jeans, baby-T, sporty jacket, headband.

Cute girl just got cuter. And cooler!

Don't get any ideas now. I just like hanging out with her.

June 30, 2004
Serendipity, Ambergris Version


Work. 37th floor. 1:15 AM.

It was my second scheduled cancer break, and I had been waiting for the elevator for a while now.

That's when it happened. This really cute girl in this really cute outfit comes along and joins me in waiting.

I had my earphones on, so I couldn't hear anything other than John Travolta singing "Grease Lightning". I flash her a smile, and she smiles back.

A few minutes of dead air, then one of the elevators opens. She walks in and looks back at me.

I figured she was wondering if I was going in too. Arrow's pointing up, so I shake my head and say "Going down."

Cute girl gives me a weird look, smiles, then the elevator closes.

A second later the elevator right across opens up, so I rush in. Thirty-six floors going down I could only think about how cute she was.

Ground floor. Door opens. 'Lo and behold, it was her. Our elevators had both opened at exactly the same time. I flash her a smile again, but now manage to blurt out a few words.

Moe: Oh, I thought you were going up.
Cute girl: There was no one else in, so the elevator should go down.
Moe: Really? Sorry, I'm new here.
Cute girl: What account are you in?

And that's when the both of us smiled at each other, smoked and talked in the Batanes-like atmosphere of ADB Ave.

Noticed how lovely her smile and voice was, too. And she wore braces.

Sigh.

I was telling my two officemates about it after my shift, only to have my story cut off. It was the cute girl again. In her cute outfit. Smiling at me.

I wave hello.

Cute girl: Hi.
Moe: Hello.
Cute girl: I didn't get your name.
Moe: It's Moe. And you are?
Cute girl: Krys. Nice to meet you.

And that's when the both of us shook hands, smoked and talked in the Batanes-like atmosphere of ADB Ave.

June 29, 2004
Re-Living The Good Old Days


Had a few beers with Kevin at Congo Grill last night before work.

Moments like these come once in a blue moon and frankly, I didn't give a rats ass if I went on the floor intoxicated.

"To good looks, the gang, and the good old days!"

F'show, that's the shee-yeet.

False Alarm


There are times when ignorance really IS bliss. And that's why I detest going to the doctor's. Afraid they might find some disease slowly corrupting my body.

Happened that my sister got hit with some form of Tuberculosis while she was doing field work a few months ago. And we all know how contagious this particular disease can be.

I don't know if it's psychosomatic, but as soon as I found out, my chest started to tighten like hell. For two days I had a hard time breathing, swallowing even. Scared the shit out of me.

Visited the sick hole yesterday to get my share of mandatory X-rays.

My lungs are clean.

Aesthetics


You may not have noticed, but the text is now aligned to the left.

This may seem irrelevant to most of you, but to the obsessive-compulsive blogger, it carries a certain level of importance.

One of the reasons I couldn't update as frequently as I wanted to before was that I paid to much attention to the aesthetics of the whole site - character spacing in particular.

I'd reconstruct sentences endlessly just to avoid those annoying gaps. So it was either I'd increase the width of this table, and therefore change the whole layout or, simply re-type "justify" to "left". Pretty obvious I took the path of least resistance.

"And so?"

I think it's safe to say that I'm going to be writing regularly again.

"And so?"

June 27, 2004
Again


"Moe's back @ USTe! Moe...a public service announcement----> "Move on" There are a lot of fish in the sea and you'll eventually find Nemo! Moe, i know you're sad at work so don't let her add up to your sadness...That's just my opinion...I'm here to back you up!"

- Dipa, June 18th

+

For the hundredth time, no.

You guys have got it all wrong. She doesn't "add up" to my being sad. Fact is, if there's one thing that's keeping me sane these days, it's the very thought of her.

In fish terms, I've already found "Nemo".

Having cleared that up, bring in the alcohol. I've had enough drama for the week.

June 18, 2004
Another Day, Another Reason


From: Jeanette
Date: June 18, 2004 1:52 AM
Subject: Re: Bink
Message: listen to another day by mojofly.. i know its not ur kinda song but read the lyrics!! kaw agad naicp ko and tina.. heee ;)

+

Mojo Fly - Another Day

I think I'll go home now
It's been the greatest day
Thank you for shedding life
To my fantasy
Throw me a wicked smile
The one like yesterday
That threw me up and away
To the evergreen

Like a spiral staircase, down I go
Losing every step
I sense an earthquake, I.L.U.
Don't even know how to say
When will it break
Today is gone
But tomorrow will be okay
I'll wait another day

Morning awakes me
I need a special plan
This very simple task
I cannot overcome
Hundreds of streets I roamed
In search for the perfect line
Nothing I've found good enough
For a girl like you

Why I can never let you go
So strange, extraordinary
Why I can never tell you so
I must be dumb

Why I can never let this go
Can't stop this fun
It must be done

I'll wait another day
I'll wait another day
I'll wait another day
I'll wait another day

+

Hit the nail right on the head.

May 30, 2004
Welcome To Reality


Update.

I'm taking a break from college. Reasons for doing so are irrelevant at this point.

Been with Ambergris Solutions, Inc. for two weeks now. Yes, Ambergris is a call center.

"When you don't have any money, principles go down the drain." - Kevin

Like I said, Ambergris (amber-GREE) is a call center that handles different clients. Among which are Dell, Microsoft, and my account, MCI.

MCI (Microwave Communications, Inc.) is one of the leading phone companies in the States. Sorta like what PLDT is to us.

I carry this job title:
"Inbound Customer Interaction Associate".

So whenever someone calls MCI to rant, buy or whatever... My work begins. I do three things: Provide information, solve problems, and sell stuff.

In reality, I'm just another Filipino posing as a customer service representative for MCI in the States.

So much for that.

My shift's from 8PM to 5AM, Monday through Friday. Training goes on for two months. After that, I hit the floor.

Everytime someone asks me how my work is, I look at them, smile and lie. "okay lang."

I don't need a whole paragraph to describe how I feel. All I need is one word.

Sad.

It can get pretty overwhelming at times. I mean, yesterday I was sleeping through Lit. class and now I have to worry about LEC's and BOC's and LATA's and a dozen other acronyms slapped in my face.

Summer's supposed to be for basketball and beaches and booze and bumming around, not microwaved lunches at 1 in the morning.

Being the youngest in the group doesn't help either.

"What course did you finish?"
"I finished half a year of Communication Arts at UST."

"What did you do before this?"
"Oh, I was a full-time dishwasher at home."

"How old are you again?"
"Nine-TEEN."

I don't know. All this time I've been waiting for my life to actually begin, when in reality, this IS my life.

I miss everything. I miss everyone. College was fun, and the thought that I threw it all away just depresses the shit out of me.

Next year they're going to be taking Biology and History and English and I won't be with them.

Next year they're all going to be called "Ate" or "Kuya" by the incoming freshmen, and I won't be able to experience saying "Just call me Moe."

Next year there'll be plays and outings and and parades and projects and activities, and I won't be part of any of them.

No more Dapitan bonding moments.
No more eleven-peso meals together.
No more teasing each other with crushes.
No more sharing of yellow quiz paper.
No more vandalizing chairs with quotations.

I don't think I even have to tell you guys what, or who I'll miss the most. You see her picture every time you open my site.

"Alam mo Moe, okay lang 'yan. Move on."

No thanks.

It's alright, I'm okay
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away

- I Think God Can Explain, Splender

May 13, 2004

Boo


Didn't quite appreciate the offer. I mean, the work's great... But the hours and pay's horrible.

It's an eleven-hour graveyard shift from 7PM to 8 in the morning.

I wonder if they give you a bonus if you go blind from staring at a monitor for eleven hours straight.

I'm tired. Who wants to see a movie or have a beer or something?

May 12, 2004
My First Job Application


Above average rating in all three categories.
Aced the exam.
Nailed the interview.
Set a new company record for fastest typing speed at 75 words per minute.

I'd say it went pretty well. Meeting up with my future bosses tomorrow at 10AM.

Tag me luck.

The whole office atmosphere can get pretty addicting. Late hours, elevators, computers, air conditioning, ID-activated doors... I can get used to this.

May 06, 2004
Internet Withdrawal Syndrome


My dad equates blogging and chatting with escaping reality. Predictably, he banned me from going online yesterday.

"Escaping reality". Thought that meant doing drugs or something. I was writing and talking to my friends. I ought to smoke some weed in front of him, just so he can tell the frickin' difference.

Was in bed by ten. Couldn't sleep. Tossed and turned the whole darn night. Probably had too much caffeine. Or too little internet.

Images of blogs and Tag-Boards and Friend Requests and Testimonials and download meters constantly popped up.

Sounds of people going online and messages coming in and Protoss Dark Templars beating the crap out of Terran Marines kept ringing in my head.

Finally dozed off around two in the morning. Took me four hours to realize I'm addicted.

May 03, 2004
The Galactically Stupid


Line's from A Few Good Men, and I've been using it a lot recently. Find it quite amusing.

Anyways.

I'm back in the "I-can't-write-for-crap" stage again, so expect a site revamp soon. A little more color perhaps? All this dark shit can get pretty fucking depressing.

Later.

For Steph



Steph from college.

"From college". Dang, that sounded weird.

Anyways, thanks so much Steph. Not only for the bracelet, but for everything. You've helped me more than you know. Well the bracelet's really cool, too. I'll wear it during my interview. You're just too sweet.

And as for "the driver of the truck that hit me", I dunno. Guess I really do still love her.

*Shrug*

You got your own blink box too. A promise is a promise.

*Hug*

Playground Bonding

Fiona, Nikki, Steph, Tasha, Cap and Ryan: Thanks. Had fun, seriously. Ended up in Sta. Mesa coming home but heck, who cares. We should do it again some time.

Oh, for the record, I was completely sober. I didn't want to be, but I was. Think we should start a little earlier next time.

Early enough so we don't have to go looking for a 24-hour convenience store just to buy beer. Heh.

So, "emohan" ulit?

I think I'll drink to that. Cheers? Cheers.

Unang Mag-Blog Panalo Part III

Guess I'm four days late.

Score:
Imhotep: 2
Imoetep: 1

Just you wait, I'll get you my pretty!

April 24, 2004
Family Bonding


My sister graduated from college today, and naturally, we were supposed to go out and celebrate.

Notice I said "supposed to".

The most argumentative family in the world lives at my house. We never seem to agree on anything. Today wasn't any different.

Something as simple as picking a place to eat isn't simple at all.

That place is too far, and the food there isn't too good, and that joint's too expensive and let's just stay home and let's not.

Soon enough everyone was getting in each other's face and out of each other's sight. Eyes roll, tempers rise and doors slam.

And here I am, sipping on the loneliest beer of my life.

My sister went out and terated herself to the loneliest meal of HER life.

My dad's watching the loneliest TV show of HIS life.

My mom's taking the loneliest nap of HER life.

And my other sister's... Heck, I don't even know where she is. But I'm sure she TOO is lonely.

Family bonding indeed.

April 21, 2004
Routine


I wake up without the slightest idea of what day it is.

For hours, my brain rots and my butt cramps in front of the computer - writing senseless entries that no one in their right mind would bother reading. Sorta like this one.

At this point exercise means the occasional walk to the refrigerator.

Getting some sun or fresh air is equivalent to me taking out the trash.

And you can probably guess what I'm driving at here. I'm bored out of my wits.

Well there are a few things I could do.

I could drink and smoke and drift off to La La Land, but that requires money, and I'm dirt poor.

I could MUD again. Cast 'Deathsoul' on fidos and minotaurs and wenches and send them all to kingdom come, but that means a lot of internet time, and I'm stuck with these lame prepaid internet cards with ten-second lags embedded on them.

I could go out. See my friends. See a movie. See the world. Yeah, that would be fun. But then again, my friends are on YM, there are four movie channels on cable, and I've got a big-ass window in front of me.

[Shrek accent]
Oh, for the love of Pete.

April 20, 2004
Dum-Dee-Dum

I AM BORED.

"How many boards would the mongols hoard if the mongol hordes got bored?"

April 17, 2004

Principles, Principles


If character is defined by the principles we set, then all my character's slowly seeping out of my nostrils.

Friendster. Some people call it "the IN thing" while others, "your ticket to Loserville". Both the cream and the scum of the web I guess.

Eight months ago, the impossible happened. I signed up. Well, sorta. I do have a few principles. Most of which however, have already been trampled on. So much for "closet Friendstering".

1. I'm not going to sign up.
(Fiona, Steph, Tesa)

2. Ok, I'll just confirm. No invites.
(Jeannette, Mads)

3. No groups. Just people.
(Carebears, Potswing)

4. I'm not writing any testimonial.
(Steph)

5. I'm keeping my profile blank.

6. No bulletin board posts.

Crap, two left. And it looks like number six is in peril. Dang surveys. I'm bored.

San Mateo Season Four

Secrets revealed. Self-worth reduced to dirt. True colors shown. Feelings restrained. Egos crushed. Shots passed. Bottles broken.

People taken advantage of.

Word of advice. Next time, keep the alcohol out of your head and your hands in your pockets.

Unang Mag-Blog Panalo The Sequel


7:09 in the morning. It's hard enough to write when you're wasted, but when you're wasted AND constipated? Ugh.

I'm just doing this so I can beat Steph on a bet we made.

I win.

Score:
Imhotep: 1
Imoetep: 1

Hooray, now I can sleep.

April 14, 2004

For Claire


It's nice to have someone to talk to. What's even nicer is talking to someone who actually understands. Big difference.

Thanks Claire.

April 13, 2004

Freaky


This was my blog last year, April 13, 2003:

She STILL hasn't replied.
*Sigh*

This is what I was supposed to blog today:

Not one word. Not one message. I miss her.
*Sigh*

Oh my gulay.

April 12, 2004
Over And Out

People get tired.

People screw up.

People get kicked out of college.

I did.

Won't be blogging for a bit. Just need to sort things out. Get my head screwed on right.

Won't be enrolling come June either. Laying off school for a year. Need to work.

Thanks everyone. Enjoy the summer... And keep zapping! Just because I can't write doesn't mean I can't read.

Cheers.

April 08, 2004
NFF's



New found friends Jeannette and Mads.

I would've written about how I had a crush on you two and how amazing you guys are but cousin Patch didn't think it was a quite good idea, plus I think it's already a given.

And I totally understand and respect that. See, I didn't write anything.

Heh.

March 30, 2004
Trivia 1-Moe-1

"Being bored is a hobby of mine."

Two things that I absolutely loathe about summer: The heat and having nothing to do. Found a temporary solution for the latter.

Friendtest! (CLOSED)
Click.

There are two by the way, just scroll down.

The biggest serving of Chow King halo-halo with three scoops of ice cream is waiting for the one who gets a hundred.

March 22, 2004
Still

Eight months and my head still turns. My jaw still drops. My eyes still refuse to blink. My knees still shake. My thoughts still wander... And my heart still stops.

I am so in love with her.
Still.

March 12, 2004
Uh-Oh

Two syllables immortalized by one of my favorite writers, Robert Fulghum.

I've never failed a class in my entire life. But, as they always say, there's a first time for everything.

I flunked English 101-B. I think that just about meets the minimum requirement for an "uh-oh". Heck, it even qualifies for an "OH SHIT!"

Spent all night last Thursday finishing my research paper. Submitted it a day late, armed with a perfectly logical explanation.

The heartless bitch wanted nothing of it.

"May I just leave it with you, in case you find it in yourself to give me a chance?"

"Oh, don't bother. I won't..."

"No, you don't understand. Please, just read it. You don't even have to give me a grade. I just don't want to go to sleep tonight pondering the thought that all the sleepless hours I spent working on this amounted to nothing."

Rica backed me up. All in vain.

"You know what ma'am? Forget it. Just forget it. Thanks Rica."

Stormed out, teary-eyed. Even cursed her at the the door in frustration.

My friends' advice: "Suyuin mo, Moe."

Maybe it's a pride issue, or maybe I'm just stupid, but I'm not going to kiss her purple ass just for a fucking grade. Plus it's already too late.

I'm scared.

I can already see the disappointment on my parents' faces.

For Rica

Thank you. You're really an amazing friend to have around. I've got nothing but love and respect for you girl. *Hug*

The Lime-Post Brigade

I was pretty fucked up. Drinking was nothing more than a reflex. Von, Cap, Camille... Thank you. Seriously.

Itaguyod ang tradisyon!
Basag tuwing Biyernes!

Oh, Carisa just got back from Japan. Gave me this really cool rasta-bag. Thanks Carisa! Missed you.

Soundtrack Of Sorrow

It's alright, I'm okay
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

- Splender, I Think God Can Explain

Look in my eyes
I'm jaded now
Whatever that means
By sharing these things
I rip my heart out
It's worth my time
Whatever that means

- The Used, Noise And Kisses

Tied to the testing of wills
And my heart breaks and spills
Left to the sight of the sky
In your arms I'm defined

- Funeral For A Friend, Juneau

March 10, 2004
Shitload

It's 7:20 PM, and I have these to finish by 11:00 AM tomorrow:

1. English - Reseach paper.
2. Literature - 10-page critique on a novel I haven't even read.
3. Geography - Memorize all of the countries in Africa and South America as well as their capitals.

[Theme from Mission Impossible]

I've crammed a million times before, but this is ridiculous.

March 03, 2004
And I Feel... *BAG!*

Stole this link from Steph. Laughed my ass off after.

Click.

February 29, 2004
Everything

Hmmf. Tampo ako sayo. You didn't blog shit about my debut! Tsktsk. It's ALL about Tina. Everything about Tina. Everything IS Tina for you! *sigh.

Sender:
Joyce
+63921...

Sent:
28-Feb-2004
13:38:57

Tina isn't everything.
She's the only thing.

So everyone who's telling me to "move on" or "find someone else" can just shove it.

I love her.

For Joyce

Belated Happy Birthday PrettyJoyce. *Hug* You looked beautiful. I mean it. It's not like me to suck up.

February 25, 2004
.44 Caliber Love Letter

* juneau rolls her sleeves

* juneau "hey tina you don't know me but i want to give you a piece of my mind"

* juneau "do you enjoy making people feel lost?"

* juneau "look, my friend here, he's in love with you like shit. he talks about you EVERYTIME."

* juneau "and now he tells me he's not mad at his friend kevin even if you and this nice boy are exchanging lovey-dovey text messages"

* juneau "and i feel like whacking him in the head for being too rational and kind"

* juneau "but i don't blame kevin for BETRAYING his GOOD FRIEND for you, cos i'm pretty sure that you're every least bit worthy of it"

* juneau "but it's JUST not right to leave people feeling confused and have them lose sleep"

* juneau "and i understand that part of being a teenager is enjoying the attention and not committing"

* juneau "like i said, yeah, it's better not to commit"

* juneau "but you know what, like i told moe, i'm pretty exhausted by all this and i'm not even within reasonable proximity, so i could just imagine how tired this guy is"

* juneau "so... if you care for him... then take the load off off his back and flash him a smile, or let him carry your books"

* juneau "or at least give him back the privilege of 'making pa-cute' to you"

* juneau "trust me, that'd make him ECSTATIC"

* juneau "after all, having you as his friend would be better than having none of you at all."

* juneau "i sure hope that the next time i get to talk to moe, he'd be happier or say something like, 'damn, i saw tina at mcdonald's and she waved at me. *sigh*"

* juneau "or else.. i might march into UST and shake you up and tell you to please have mercy on my friend. And believe me, you wouldn't want that."

<juneau> "this is a .44 caliber love letter straight from moe's heart (via nikki). deal with it."

<juneau> -the end.

February 19, 2004
Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

For some strange reason, we spent more than an hour asking each other riddles in class this afternoon. Some fun. Find out how smart YOU are with a few:

You're tenth in a race. If you pass the dude in second place, that would make you?

Is it legal for a widow's husband to marry again in the Philippines?

A jailguard walks into a cell and sees a man who's apparently hanged himself. There aren't any chairs or tables around for him to climb on, but a puddle of water can be seen beneath him. Now how'd he do that?

A man rides into town on Sunday. Three days later, on Sunday, he leaves. How's that possible?

What did Adam lack but was able to give to Cain and Abel?

-GRY

Heard this one eight years ago. Still haven't the slightest idea what the answer is.

In the English language, there are three words that end in "-gry": Angry, hungry... And?

February 18, 2004
Jail

Class field trip today. Visited the Bureau of Corrections in Muntinlupa. If you watch a lot of TV, you'd probably get disappointed.

"That was it?"

No jail cells with electrically-charged sliding gates. No armed guards chasing inmates down and beating them up with nightsticks. No chained criminals in orange jumpsuits shoveling dirt. Heck I didn't even hear any of them trash-talking.

And the guide said "maximum security". Duh. All I saw was a small village with people waving at us and selling us souvenirs and shit.

Medium security was entertaining. Inmates did a lot of singing and dancing for us. One of them happened to look like Brad Pitt and drove the girls nuts. They even got his name and frickin' flirted with him. Ugh.

February 17, 2004
Wrong Place At The Wrong Time

Kevin and I were going down the stairs to the little boys' room when he accidentally bumped into some glandular freak of nature with a tongue-ring. The guy was HUGE. Now it just so happened that we were poking jokes at some other person, and I was going: "Wala akong sinasanto!" in a tough-dude voice.

Bastard thought that it was him we were talking about. Went after Kevin and pushed him around. "Tangina n'yong dalawa ah!"

Geez. I guess the world never runs out of assholes. Thought I graduated from the likes of him back in high school.

Nostalgia. I remember #headtrip days four years ago. I remember the very first topic I posted in my whole IRC life. It was Mae's line. Another million dollar question:

"Ba't ba ang daming gago sa mundo?"

Weather


Warm sun, cool breeze, moon still up there, and not one cloud overhead. Yep, another one of those once-in-a-lifetime perfect days. All ruined because I have to go to school.

Thea: "So lamig naman the breeze!"

Been real windy and nippy lately. Sure hope this weather holds up.

February 16, 2004
Busog Ka Na, Basag Ka Pa!

D'Fort. The place to be at UST.

2 fried rice: P12.
4 siomai: P10.
1 Red Horse: P25.
2 Marlboro Lights: P3.

Our fifty-peso three o'clock habbit.

Give Me An A For Asshole


"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks." - Calvin

To the prick from Journalism who thinks he's just so cool pushing other people around: Have your kicks now, jerk. Four years from now I'm putting a bullet through your fucking head.

"Woo-sah."

February 15, 2004
Valentine's Day Massacre

Masks down! Game on!

I am now hooked on airsoft. I have my two brothers to thank for that.

Some abandoned steel factory in Novaliches was the site. Urban setting. Hostage rescue. Twenty on twenty. Every trigger-happy gun junkie's paradise.

I murdered seven. It was a Valentine's Day massacre. Man I love saying that.

SMS to Kevin: Not even a night with Glyza compares to this.

Talk about stress release. Talk about playing God. Talk about the sound of a hundred BB's ricocheting still ringing in my ears. Talk about the ultimate adrenaline rush.

And then there's the most important thing... Talk about FUN.

February 11, 2004
I'm Sad

That has got to be the most creative blog title in history.

I miss the way things were.

February 10, 2004
Vent

I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so careless
So lost, confused again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

- Boxcar Racer, I Feel So

Sbarro

Moe: Tara, kain.
Rica: Gusto n'yo sa Sbarro?
Kevin: Sige, pero 'sbarro money first.

Harhar.

January 19, 2004
Deflated Wheel

The idea of dropping all of my classes and just taking a break from college has crossed my mind more than once now.

I'm fucking sick of school.

January 18, 2004
It Carries On

The official inuman song that we can't ever seem to finish. Hence the blog title.

Foo Fighters - Big Me

When I talk about it
It carries on
Reasons only knew
When I talk about it
Aries or treasons all renew

Big me to talk about it
I could stand to prove
If we can get around it
I know that it's true

When I talked about it
Carried on
Reasons only knew

But it's you I fell into

Well I talked about it
Put it on
Never was it true
But it's you I fell into

January 16, 2004
Another SMS Post

My sister's out doing field work on some god-forsaken island while I'm stuck at home doing the god-damned dishes.

She messaged me this afternoon, on my way home from school. Kinda looked like a retard, giggling at myself.

Sam: "Moe, panget ka pa rin ba?"
Moe: "Oo naman. Miss mo na 'ko no?"
Sam: "Sssh. Feeling mo! Watcha tink of me, tink of you? Oo naman, i saw a fresh cake of carabao turd, the connection is obvious. Joke langü"

We Marcelos have a funny way of showing we care. Xandra says it best: "Marcelo eh!"

January 15, 2004
Some UrbanDub And A Lot Of Drama

Here, I drive away from all
I’ve fallen too deep from the world
I know not what I do
I think twice and so I go,
How do I mend the wounds?

- UrbanDub, Runaway

Dinner with Tina, Toni and Mina after class. What I expected was a few laughs coupled with some fries on the side. What I got was a lecture on how I'm "wasting my life on beer and cigarettes".

I appreciate the "concern", but you didn't have to rub it in my face. Did you ever stop and think about it for a minute? Do you actually think I'm doing this for kicks? You don't even have the faintest idea of what I'm going through. And for you to judge me like that... Gee, thanks a lot.

I'm sorry. But cut me a little slack here. Just give me a fucking break. I'm the one who's treading through deep water. It's my life that's in shambles. The last thing I need is more idealistic crap that'll eviscerate any ounce of self-esteem I have left.

This isn't some fairytale where you just go *poof* and things'll be okay. It's not as easy as you say it is.

Tina, Toni, Mina... I love you guys. And I'm sorry. Just try to understand.

And to my Dapitan saviors: Ani, Andrea, Lou Ann, Kathy and Arianne... Thank you.

January 13, 2004
Converter



"Ohhh, so THAT's what you call it..."

The small jack you attach to a Nokia 5510 so that you can plug in your standard baby-PL peripherals - earphones, speakers, etc.

Pretty hard to find, considering the fact that the phone's been phased out for some time now.

I've lost four already. My last one cost me a hundred and fifty bucks and the darned thing vanished into thin air just a day after I begged the crummy Greenhills lady to sell it to me.

"Tanginang shet naman!"

January 12, 2004
Enlightenment

"take it easy brother.. we all have our ups and downsü"

Sender:
Ogoy
+63917...

Sent:
12-Jan-2004
18:49:01

I'm looking forward to my first jungle airsoft shooting rampage this coming Saturday.

College Slump


Everything seems to be going downhill for me.

I can't write. What used to be ten-minute blogs and one-hour research papers are now pretty much equivalent to crap.

I can't even talk straight. People used to look up to me in awe when it was my turn to recite in class. Now they just look down at their desks and don't see any difference.

I never did hit the books. I never actually studied. But still, I always got by. For the first time in my life, I actually feel pressured.

Seems like I always had the answers back then. But now it's as if I'm living on an island of cluelessness surrounded by an ocean of denial.

I can't remember the last time I actually felt good about myself.

And that's probably the reason why I've been living life on a beer-to-beer basis. It's only when I'm intoxicated that I fool myself with the idea of "happiness".

And that shit's not right. I know it isn't.

January 01, 2004
I'm Raising My Glass

To the next 31536000 seconds of 2004 and a HAPPY new year.

*Gasp* Moe! Laseng ka na!

I heard her voice again. I imagined seeing her smile. I remembered how happy I felt the last time I hugged her goodbye. My year couldn't have started any sweeter way. Well the wine, sparklers and lobster dumplings may have helped as well.

Whatever. Cheers.

December 30, 2003
Eventually, Everything Will End

I'm tired.

"And it's been a long December, and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.

I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass."

Crappy new year. I'll see you around.

December 26, 2003
Si Tesa



... At ang pinakamagandang balikat sa balat ng mundo.

December 10, 2003
All I Want For Christmas

Just two things, really.

1. A modem. Thanks Og!
2. World peace.

Hoo-lool!

Hugging Power

I believe in hugging power. Few things in the entire cosmos are more comforting.

So with that fabulous introduction, I have something for you guys. I hope it fits.

*HUG*

"The best presents don't come in boxes."

Mushy mode.
My apologies.
Merry Christmas.

November 06, 2003

There's One In Every Semester

The professor that you'd pay to see being stoned to death. I hear that's one of the most painful ways to die. In that case I'd throw the first one without feeling even a hint of remorse.

Exaggerating I might. Pissed I am. So bear with me.

Last period. Get to class five minutes late. Don't see any professor around, but my classmates tell me to take the seat nearest to the teacher's table. They say he's a big tough guy but really cool.

He was big alright. A big fruitcake. On heels.

"You! Creature! Stand up!"

"Creature! Do you have a brain? Or has it rusted away from misuse?"

"One problematic with Philippine Literatures is classification... Can you tell me why? You! Creature!"

"Like for example, the content of..."

I for one, am not known to take any baloney from anyone. Especially not from people who think they're God.

"Any questions?"

The next few paragraphs would later be the talk of the whole faculty and my ticket to both admiration and infamy.

"Sir? Ma'am? Whatever. Though it really ticks me off - how you think you know everything, I couldn't care less. Because that's you. But I'd really appreciate it if you'd not refer to us as "creatures". We have names."

"Oh but I call all of my students that. If you'd just look in the dictionary, it simply means..."

"I know what it means. And I don't like it."

My mom says I started a war. A war I can't win. Look, if no one puts up with his bullshit, he'll just keep on going at it.

For the record:

"Problematic" is an adjective, and thus cannot be used as a subject in a sentence.

There is no such word as "literatures". I've looked it up thrice. It's not like there's ONE literature and there's TWO literatures.

Saying "Like for example" is redundant. It's like saying "The moral lesson of the story".

"Faggot" is also in the dictionary.

November 05, 2003
My Weeknights Are Looking Grim

The Wonder Years. Practically the only TV show I watch and they just had to stop airing it. Don't even want to know the title of the stupid program that replaced it.

Sighhh... It's times like these that call for a beer-popping. Good thing I'm already a bit wasted.

So here's to Winnie and Kevin! Then there's MY personal favorite, the coolest Wonder Years character of all time...

Margaret Farthquire.

Her immortal words:
"I thought you were different."

Blog last December Eighth:

"... Margaret Farthquire. Knee-high argyle socks, sneakers, sweater, three pigtails, glasses, and one heck of an attitude. Cross between Nikki and Tesa if you ask me."

The Girl Who Blew Up My Head

Figuratively. Shame on you if something else popped into mind.

"And cool mo Moe!"
"What? Why?"
"Wala lang... Cool ka eh!"

You're never too drunk to appreciate words like those. Cheers Elise. You made my day.

November 04, 2003
What's Up With Your Hair?

I'm growing it. Haven't had a haircut since August. No reason... Just wanted to try something different. That plus it seems like everyone's getting his head shaved.

So far I've gotten such wonderful reactions: Demonyo. Wolverine. Rico Blanco. Sabog. Bagong gising. Galing sa roller coaster. Afro. Clown. Panget. Mahangin ba sa labas? Mag-cap ka nalang.

Rica's takes the cake: "What's UP with your HAIR?!?" And with such enthusiasm!

I got "gwapo" and "astig" too, but it's not like you guys'll actually believe me.

Personally though, the word "Neanderthal" comes to mind.

November 03, 2003
That Was A Fucking Good Movie!

Took Thea's advice and saw Identity tonight. Two thumbs, WAY fucking up.

And to think that the people I was with were rooting for the The Phone. Situation called for some marketing, a little martyrdom and just an ounce of reality.

"Hinde, maganda raw talaga yung Identity sabi nung kaibigan ko..."

"If you really want to watch The Phone, go ahead... Ako nalang sa Identity."

"The Phone? Tingnan mo nga yung poster! Panget yan!"

Even borrowed a copy of the movie after. Seeing it again tonight. Yes, it's THAT good. Course, I'm not exactly the movie-buff Patch is. Heck, last film I saw was Finding Nemo.

"I'm calm! I'm VERY fucking calm!"

Then there's Thea's favorite line: "Whores don't get a second chance."

Yes, These Are Studio Pictures



I know. I used to laugh at the idea of how some people would actually pay to pose inside a studio and have their picture taken. Sorta defeats the idea of "capturing the moment".

I succumb to peer pressure. I can almost hear my friends laughing their asses off from here.

Hey, for ten bucks each it was the bargain of a lifetime. What was I going to do, say no?

Karaoke

Everbody can sing. It's singing WELL that can get a little tricky. And it's pretty much a given that I cannot sing for CRAP. I am NOT kidding about this.

Gave my karaoke skills a run for its money. And I have no idea how my friends managed to talk me into doing so. But what are friends for? For humiliating the heck out of you, that's what.

Head Over Feet by Alanis Morisette. My first and last attempt at Karaoke. Got a very respectable 97, thanks a lot.

"Quit while you're ahead" as they say.

November 02, 2003
My Claim To Fame

Six in the morning. Guess who I drank with tonight... Francesca from RX. Sydney from NU. Jal of Sugarfree.

A lot of people say that Fran's the prettiest DJ around. Take my word for it, she IS. Not only that, you should hear her Australian accent.

November 01, 2003
As Simple As That

Question: Why won't I blog?
Answer: I can't.

First it was my mind that wasn't functioning properly. Seems as though my computer has now suffered the same fate.

To cut the long story short, my PC's still unbelievably fucked.

For Thea

A BIG HUG AND HIGH-FIVE TO YOU. :)

October 01, 2003
Breather

I can't write.

Been staring at a blank screen for the past two hours now. Think I need to lay off for a while. Just need to straighten things out.

Hugs and high-fives to these people:
Imo Fiona Twinkle Steph Tesa Margie

September 26 - 30, 2003

Phonecall From Heaven

You're bound to have a really bad day when you wake up with a splitting headache and your spit tasting like beer and nicotine.

But things change.

Saturday. Ten in the morning. Mobile rings. Unknown number.

"Mmmphh, h'lo?"
"Hi, Moe?"
"Nnngpff, who's calling?"
"Tina. Punta ka na dito. May practice."
*Cough*
"Tina! Hi! I'm on my way!"

My hang-over went *pffft*.

All systems GO!
We are clear for take-off!

Even Superman couldn't have gotten ready any quicker. I skipped breakfast and ran.

Had my sister make me an excuse letter, since we were forced to pay one peso per minute of being late if ever we did show up. Hmm, let's see now. Practice started at eight. Got there half past twelve. That would be...

A frickin' fortune.

"To whom it may concern:
Please excuse Moe Marcelo for being late. He was intoxicated last night and we didn't feel it was right for him to leave without being completely sober. Thanks."

So I got there. And she was beautiful.

"Uy Moe, sorry ha..."
"Hala, for what?"
"Sana hindi ka nalang pumasok."
"What, stay home and not see you? I'm in love with you Tina."

Actually, I didn't say that last line.

School Play From Hell

I remember the time when school plays were fun. I remember th

Abort, Retry, Fail?

September 25, 2003
The Bane Of My Existence Reloaded

*Wung* (Me swiping my ID)
"Ops! Raber syos! Hindi pwidi!"
"Eh chief, nawala ko lang po yung perm..."
"Hindi pwidi!"
"May klase pa po..."
"Hindi pwidi!"
"Papagawa nala..."
"Hindi pwidi!"

Imo's right. We should all have zap guns.

"Hindi pwi..."

*KZZZT!*

September 24, 2003
Love Is In The Air, And It Stinks

Or at least, for some people.

Coined the "Love Is In The Air" part from Imo's blog. Wouldn't want to be the next Keiko now, would we?

Let's see now, how do I say this...

Escu and Malor. Were together only three days then *pffft*, broke up last Saturday.

Ryan and Erica. They're going through what THEY call a "misunderstanding". In reality they're going through what I call "denial".

Had a pretty long talk with Malor and Erica. About how things weren't going all-too-well with them and their significant others. I'm not going to bore you with the details.

Bottom line is this. I am just so good at shelling out advice, patching things up, and making ends meet... But when MY shit hits the fan, when I'M the one who fucks up, and when it's ME who's having problems, it's like I'm just so alone.

Malor and Erica ended up teary-eyed and hugging each other after my "speech".

I ended up walking alone.

With each step I thought of Tina.

Can We Do The Tension Thing Again?

Hmm, did I say that the "tension" crap that we were doing was more than idiotic?

I take it back.

It's only crap if our president does the pushing and shoving. But when our head stage manager with her hair tied back takes over... Count me in.

Go ahead, take one big guess who our head stage manager is.

Didn't exactly hold her hand but, it was close enough.

Cabinet Joy Ride From Hell

Boredom can kill you.

In each classroom, there's this cabinet with wheels where the OHP is placed. Funny how creative you can get when there's nothing to do.

I invented a game. Someone sits on top of the cabinet and we start spinning it around. When that someone starts screaming "AYOKO NA! TAMA NA!", that's when we start spinning it around faster. And only when that someone closes her eyes and is about to fall that we stop the spinning and rush to catch her.

We don't always get to the "rush to catch her" part. Sometimes, when the spinning stops, that someone falls flat on her face. Literally.

"Tangina nahulog!"

My sincerest apologies to Meg.

September 23, 2003

My Excuse For Not Blogging Today

Finals is two weeks from now and I've got a shitload of stuff to work on. Starting with my Philosophy journal at the moment. Probably blog tomorrow.

Oh, I'm back to kidding around with Tina again. Well, not intentionally. I love tilting my chair back while in class, and I almost fell off during English period. She laughed at me.

That counts, right?

September 22, 2003

Seven, Eight, Nine... Tension!

Focus. Internalize. Wear your character.

Pardon? Didn't quite get that.

One thing that I am definitely not cut out for is acting. Emphasis on the word "not". Every time we're required to go sign up for a part in a school play or class role-playing, I usually go for "scriptwriter" or "lights" or "props" or "moral support" even.

Last week. President asks the class who'd like to substitute for some guy who was out. Emphasis on the word "substitute". The role was "Old Man" so I figured, what the heck.

I was bored. Emphasis on the word "bored".

Class practice again today. Ten-person cast and guess what... I was the only guy. President asks all actors to form a circle around her. Emphasis on the word "all". Some sort of discussion I figured. I couldn't be more wrong.

It was the 1CA3 pre-acting warm up ritual. But more than that, "it" was humiliating. I think "it" even crossed the line into plain idiocy. But that's MY opinion. Emphasis on the word "my".

Goes sorta like this:

"Tension! Highest level!"

Raise both arms upward and keep 'em stiff. President pushes them in all directions to see if they're uhm... Tense I guess.

"Tension! Middle!"

Same... Only this time, extend both arms forward.

"Tension! Lowest level!"

Get down on all fours and don't fall down when she starts pushing your arms again.

"Expand!"

Open your eyes real wide, ditto with your mouth, and stick out your tongue. I took the liberty of flaring my nostrils as well.

"Contract!"

Squint, frown, and pucker up your lips.

"HA!"

President counts 1, 2, 3... Then you shout out "HA!" Mine was more like a "HEE-YAHH!"

"Inhale! Exhale!"

Now I HAVE been doing this for eighteen years now. Where could I go wrong? Seems my tummy wasn't "firm" enough. According to her that is.

Geez.

Normally I'd just walk out of there, shaking my head and laughing my ass off. But you should've seen their faces. I've seen more smiles at a funeral.

I dunno. Like I said, I'm not cut out for this theater shit.

I mean, ALL THAT for one lousy line? Come on!

"That's RIGHT! Be STRONG!"

Progress Again

We're back to talking now. After class, anyway.

She's so sweet and pretty. And I'll never get tired of saying so.

Step Up To Me, Step Up To Me!

First line from Sevendust's new single, "Enemy".

Pretty addicting song.

September 21, 2003
Work Work Work

Say that like a Peon from Warcraft.

Been slaving over my room for two days now. Just slapped on a fourth coat of latex paint. Blue.

I'm painting fish and corals and seaweed this afternoon. Seriously. I'll post a picture.

September 20, 2003
Progress

I think we're past the "awkward stage". Waved hello before Literature practice. She waved goodbye after.

Guess we're now in the "waving stage".

And I'm happy. Just look at my tracklist.

Finally, My Shot At Stardom!

Guess what.

I play "Old Man" in the upcoming 1CA3 theater production, "Sign Of The Seagulls".

Just one tiny detail I forgot to mention... I only have one line.

Old Man: "That's right. Be strong."

Gee, I hope I get it right. Oh dear God please don't let me screw up.

Ahem...

That's RIGHT! Be STRONG!

*Teet-Teet, Teet-Teet*

That's a standard Nokia message alert tone verbalized.

SMS from Joyce:
"Hey, just read your blog. For a second there, thought it wasn't you writing. Anyway, things'll get better. Just keep your head up, Moe. Your life doesn't revolve around Tina. Sure, it's okay to be depressed, but skip class for a whole week? Too much meng. Be safe now, y'hear? G'night."

SMS from Twinkle:
"Hay, the perils of lab. *sigh* parang ako..."

SMS from Jel:
"Love knows no season, knows no time. It has a sole intention of bringing two people together to something called... bitterness. screw love."

SMS from Steph:
"Inuman! Hehe"

September 19, 2003
The Best Wonder Years Episode

Or at least, one of the best.

Remember that valentine's day episode? The one where Kevin and Winnie are in the uh, "awkward stage" and Kevin's valentine card accidentally winds up in the hands of Becky Slater?

"Love before was a lot simpler. If you liked someone, you told her. If you didn't like someone, well... You told her. Now things are a lot more complicated."

Show ends like this:

Kevin: "I like you Winnie... Do you like me?"
Winnie: "I lied, Kevin. When I told Paul I liked you... It was the truth."

Kevin then takes Winnie's books, holds her hand, and they walk home together.

Awwww.

The Wonder Years... Meteor Shower's rat crap compared to THIS show.

Weekdays at nine-thirty. Disney Channel.

It's Nice To Be Nice


Walking home from school today, saw this lady having a hard time carrying a huge bag down the overpass stairs.

"Hello, kailangan n'yo po ng tulong?"
"Ay sige, hati tayo. Salamat iho."

She paid for my trike ride after.

Wonderful Wendy's

Some people have twenty-twenty vision. Mine is Tina-Tina.

At any given moment one can see like, a hundred people along Dapitan. At any given MOE-ment, only one comes into focus.

I saw her sitting by the window at Wendy's today. Not quite sure, but I think she was with a few of our classmates. Never really noticed. I just stared at her. Yep, stared at her... Then walked away.

I remembered yesterday's blog. I just HAD to do something. Anything to see her smile again.

After thirty minutes planning what to do, finally came up with one heck of a strategy.

"Tara Cap! Lakad tayo sa tapat ng Wendy's. Tapos kakawayan ko si Tina."

Walking. Walking. Not waving. Walking.

Pulled out another cigarette. My knees were on vibrate and my heartbeat resembled the drums of our "Go Uste!" cheer.

Wanted to throw up. Probably had a little too much to smoke. Spent another ten minutes psyching myself up again.

"Game Cap! Ito na talaga! Kakawayan ko na!"

Walking. Walking. Looking down. Looking up. *DING!* SHE smiles and waves at me. Pretty sure I waved back. But I think I smiled at the ground.

Holy jumping catfish Batman! There IS a God!

Couldn't stop smiling after that. Even smiled at the frickin' guard for crap's sake. Met up with Cla, Carisa, Krystell and Camille in front of the ABSC office.

"Guess what! Ang saya-saya ko! Inom tayo! Inommm!"
"Baket Moeeee?"
"Kinawayan ako ni Tina!"

Hmm, four frowning girls. They were clearly unmoved by my wonderful experience. Not exactly what I expected. What the heck.

I saw her smile. She waved at me. All hell could break loose and I couldn't care less.

September 18, 2003
I Don't Get It

We haven't spoken in what seems to be an eternity. I believe this is what you call the "awkward stage".

"Paul, you can't just sit there and look pathetic! You have to do something!"

- Kevin from The Wonder Years

Hmm, seems like sound advice. Yeah, I'm going to walk up to her tomorrow. I'm going to smile. I'm going to say "hi".

I'm going out of my mind.

ISP Bonan-saks!

Few things are more frustrating than getting constant busy signals while trying to connect to the internet. Been dialing for a little over half an hour now.

"Gedempeesasheeet!"

September 17, 2003
First Meteor Garden... Now This

The Friendster phenomenon.

Moe: "Have you heard of Friendster?"
Sam: "No."
Moe: "Yung parang mga kaibigan online."
Sam: "I have flesh-and-blood friends."

I wonder how long this'll last.

*Cough* This is my E-mail address. Oh, just sharing... *Cough*

September 16, 2003

Andaming Bobo

AB for short.

Attended the "Mr. And Miss AB Pageant" today. Obviously, my life is so boring that I had nothing else better to do.

Judge: "Who's this question for?"
Host: "The question is for the question and answer portion."

Judge: "If your mother gave you a one hundred pesos for a date, how would you spend it?"
Contestant: "I would go to my village and buy foods for all the poor villagers because I believe that there is so much suffering that is happening in the world today."

Judge: "What is the best thing about being human?"
Contestant: "What I like best about being myself is the freedom to do whatever I want. Only the good things pala. Because it is right to do good things."

Host: "May I present to you... Our ten final finalists!"

I can't seem to remember the rest. My brain probably couldn't take it. Yeah, so my words may be a bit harsh... But then again, you weren't there.

All looks, no books.

September 15, 2003

Return Of The Zog King

My "dad" came home yesterday after what seemed like a week. He was gone for more than a month.

"How are you Moe?"
"Okay."
"Are you happy?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Even now that I'm here?"
"Uh, yeah."

I just knew it wouldn't last. I was wondering how long it would take before I'd start ranting about my him again.

One day.

I'm so full of it already. I'm just sick and tired of putting up with his bullshit. I hate him. Why can't he just stay there and not visit?

Soon as I wake up tomorrow I'm leaving for school.

I'm sorry. Just one of the those days again I guess.

I miss her.

I've Got A Song In My Head


I'm not
Not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just passed
In the crowds of all the people
And I miss you love

- Silverchair, Miss You Love

Walked home from across Commonwealth Ave. today for two reasons. First, I didn't have the five pesos for a trike ride. Second, I wanted to.

A sure sign that something's wrong.

I haven't waved hello. She hasn't smiled. We haven't spoken. They have no idea.

Why is that?

Fucking Hypocrite

My Theology teacher preaches about love, kindness and compassion as if she were saint. She speaks so highly of helping other people, more so of forgiveness.

And I hate her guts.

Ask for one measly sheet of paper from a classmate and she thinks the devil's come to bring the world to an end.

Love, kindness and compassion my non-Catholic butt.

Idiot.

September 14, 2003

My Dance With The Debutante

Back from Carisa's debut. Wasn't able to attend the other two since I made the mistake of dancing with her. Turns out I was one of her eighteen roses. You can probably guess why I've got a big smile plastered on my face at the moment. And no, not because of the beer.

Nothing even comes close to the feeling that comes over you when you realize that you've just made someone very happy and feel very special. And if that someone comes up to you, sheds a tear, smiles, and gives you a big hug and says "Thank you" ... Well.

Happy Birthday Carisa.

September 13, 2003

OF All The Rotten Luck

Been mall-hopping again, this time looking for a plain white necktie for tonight. I guess the demand for that particular article of clothing isn't that high, since I've yet to see one. Either that or I've been looking in all the wrong places.

Was going for the Moby look. Black polo, black pants, white sneakers and the white tie hopefully. Guess I'll just have to do without it and look well... Ordinary.

Carisa's debut starts in thirty minutes. I still have to wait for my sister to come home, wash the car, get ready, and pick up two of my friends.

Hmmm.

Thanks again to Steph and Tasha for helping me pick out a gift. Got the debutante a beachball-shaped pillow. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

Writing on the card: "Carisa, para maalala mo ang lahat ng pambobola namin."

Oh, I just found out that SHE might be coming and that HE was definitely singing.

Wouldn't it be a blast if I saw the two dancing the minute I got there?

September 12, 2003

Unang Mag-Blog Panalo

Too bloody blog to drunk. Leaving you with a few images from tonight. I guess Steph won the bet. Gedem addict.

Happy Barfday Shine!
Cheers Steph, Cap, Tawshuh.

*Clink*




September 11, 2003

Debut Dilemma

Excluding that of my sister's, I've never attended a debut in my whole life.

I have three to go to this Saturday.

Few of my classmates came up to me all excited during first period today. Showed me this really cool silver bracelet they'd gotten for my other classmate, one of the debutantes.

Then it hit me. "Oh yeah, I have to get her something too." Rats. I don't think my "I'm giving you all my love" speech will work this time.

Need a little help on the gift-giving issue. I was thinking... Stuffed toy? Hmm, this was a debut. Not a six-year-old McDonalds party. Necklace to go with her bracelet? Geez, I can't even afford to buy my own credit. Ah! A card! Uhm, no.

What do you guys think?

September 10, 2003

The Million Dollar Question

<fiow\> man, you're always involved in a love triangle, why is that?

September 09, 2003

Small World

PE class. One more minute of being late and it's FA-dom for me. Shoot.

Can't remember the last time I was this tired. My whole body hurts. Figured that if I played my darned hardest today, the coach would cut me a little slack and ignore my six prior absences. Then again, my logic has never been that appealing to grown-ups.

But that's beside the point.

Had a little talk with this guy from PE class. Turned out the girl I had a crush on two summers ago was his last girlfriend.

Also turned out that the feeling was mutual. She liked me too.

Geez, I just HAD to find out more than a year later. She studies at UPLB now. And that's like, ten zip codes away.

Blog last December Twenty-second:

"Saw the girl I had a crush on last summer... Standing. Alone. Sa tapat ng school nila. Damn, ang pretty pa rin."

HER.

September 08, 2003

The Bane Of My Existence

Guards. Entities whose sole purpose on this planet is to make people like me feel miserable.

People who treat rules as mere suggestions.
People who have no respect for authority.
People who have no interest in conformity.
"People like me".

I never understood what they had against my hair, or my headphones, or my bracelets, or my sneakers, or my alcohol level.

Bottom line: Being different is illegal.

Oh Boy!


I don't usually wake up at two in the morning just to blog... But then again, this sorta thing doesn't usually happen. I couldn't resist.

"hi moe.. musta na? uhmm.. pask ka na tom ha.. dam naghahanp sayo.. tska bka ma FA ka.. u had a gud start.. dnt waste it.. un lng.. see u in clas.. nyt..(",)"

Sender:
Tina
+63916...

Sent:
7-Sept-2003
23:18:32

Hmm, nine hours 'til class. I think I'll take a bath now.

September 06, 2003

Back To Back

GO USTE!

September 04, 2003
Labnat

I've cut class for a week now, justifying my absences with excuses like "depressed" and "not in the mood".

Finally showed up today. Last period. English. Favorite subject. Aced the quiz on conjunctions. Heh.

Guess who waved at me... Her. Guess whose paper I corrected... His. Guess what lame excuse I managed to come up with when she asked why I was out for so long...

"Lagnat."

Dang it! My mind completely went blank. I had Pterodactyls doing barrel rolls in my tummy. Couldn't even look at her. It was like I was talking to the frickin' floor.

Course I had to tell Cap about it. He thought of a more appropriate excuse. Something I regret not thinking of an hour earlier. Something that couldn't be more true.

"Moe ba't ka wala?"
"Labnat."

Bugger! She Stole From Me, Too!

And I thought I was being left out again. Quite flattering really.

What she copied:

***
The moment that you let other people dictate the way YOU feel, you are going to be one very unhappy person. This is YOUR life. YOU are in the driver's seat. YOU are in control. The world can either accept it or fuck off.
***
He called me "sweet". No fucking way. I am NOT sweet. What I am is REALISTIC. Pretty sure he muttered "Yabang mo." after that. Hahaha, Oh well.
***
[Have fun and say this in a brit accent]
Minoru! I've forgotten how to bloody write!
***
Guy: You seem sad.
Girl: Nah, I'll be alright.
Guy after girl leaves: Really, you think? Gee, I don't know. Hmm, it COULD be because of the fact that the one girl that lives up to my definition of 'perfect' is still seeing her lame-ass two-timing bastard of a boyfriend. Go figure.
***
All these emotions. Anger. Hate. Consfusion. Depression. I can't seem to handle them anymore. I'm losing it. My grip on sanity is slipping. My eyes have become blind from all the tears. My ears have gone deaf from all the shouting. My voice has lost its sanctity from cursing them.
***
"I think my brain has atrophied." Hmm, a little analogy here. If my brain has indeed "atrophied", how would it be possible for me to think? Oooo, a little paradox for you there.
***
I miss his smile. I miss his voice. I miss the comfort of holding his hand. I miss the warmth of our embrace. I miss the happiness I felt just looking at him. I miss the completeness of being with him. Hmm... Depression does have its effects.
***

Cheers Twinkle.

September 03, 2003

My Futile Attempt To Explain

Been reading my previous logs and I think I may have exaggerated a bit. Christ, I was whining like a two-year-old brat. Blew things WAY out of proportion.

And do I feel stupid now.

Thing is, I was frustrated. Frustrated with class, frustrated with how things were going, but most of all frustrated with myself.

Wrote two whole paragraphs about it, but figured I was getting too emotional again. No point in boring you guys with more overly pessimistic crap now, is there?

Spoke with Camille over the phone this morning. My voice of reason, if you will.

I'm okay now. Thanks "chum".



September 02, 2003

Two Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Read every Calvin and Hobbes comic strip ever published.

2. Watch every Wonder Years episode ever shown.

September 01, 2003

Maaaa! Moe's Drunk Again!

Asshole sister.

So I skipped class again. So I had a few beers. So what?

I had a lot to learn today. Things that I could never have picked up from any class.

Gelo: "If you love the girl, let her be."
Cap: "At least be happy for her."

Not exactly the people I expected advice from, which made what they had to say mean all that more.

I hate to say it, but they're right. Sighhh.

I mean, the dude's a really awesome guy. Seriously. Lucky bastid.

Sometimes things aren't meant to be. Just this morning I wanted a Ferrari but heck, I rode a jeep home.

Heh.

I'll be alright. Thanks everyone. I'll be in class tomorrow if anyone needs me.

Shout outs: Happy Birthday to Steph, the sweetest Gawi dancer and to Hannah, the taga-UP.

Now Hold On Just A Doggoned Minute


Last Friday. Five people asked me my why I didn't show up for class. Gave the same answer to each one of them.

"Depressed."

"Why?" came the obvious reply. After telling them about what happened and how I felt, a single statement seemed to surface.

"Ano ba yan... Ikaw?"

Me. Choked up over some girl. Is it so hard to believe? Maybe my friends were right. This isn't me. This isn't right. I've got my whole life ahead of me. This isn't the time or the place to wallow in self-loathing all for somebody who's just... Perfect.

No. I've been lying to myself for the longest time... And I'm sick of it.

"I don't believe in relationships."

"Why limit yourself when there's a whole world of possibilities out there?"

"Man, we're young. There's more to life than getting all hung up over some girl/guy."

Yeah, right.

How do you think I feel when I see a couple holding hands as they walk through the rain together? How do you think I feel when I see a guy kiss a girl's head as she rests it against his shoulder? How do you think I feel when I see two people embrace each other tightly, eyes closed, savoring the one moment they have together before they go their separate ways?

I feel like shit. But more than that, I feel alone. I feel like the best things in life are passing me by.

Talk about some emotional mushy crap. Heh, class starts in ten minutes...

Should I?

August 30, 2003

Tina



That's her.

Tina. Classmate. Sweet. Pretty. Smart. Soft-spoken. Has the nicest smile... And the most beautiful hair.

Perfect.

And I've fallen for her. I've also fallen behind. But I'll get to that later.

We get along. I wave hello, she smiles. I kid around, she laughs. I insist on taking her picture, she rides along. I bug her during Theology class, she bugs back.

Flashbacks.

A month ago. "Tina kras kita!" She laughed. Probably thought I was kidding... Again.

I meant it.

Yesterday. Skipped all of my classes. Didn't smoke, didn't visit any computer café or billiard hall. Just sat under a tree at Tinoko park. Wasn't in the mood. Still hung up on what happened. Still hung up on HER.

Last Thursday. Cap and I cut class and went to Claret to watch the Harana. I insisted that we go to UST after, to attend our last period at least.

Cap knew I wasn't going because of some class.

I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to hear her laugh. I wanted to wave hello. I wanted to bug her in class.

Started raining when we got there. Not your typical afternoon drizzle. More like a tropical downpour, characterized by big fat ugly water droplets better off seen through a window at home.

"Isa lang ibig sabihin nito, Moe."
"Ano?"
"Tutol and Diyos sa pagpunta natin dito."

We were early. Cap went on to play Counter-Strike while I ran up to class. Literature period was halfway through when I peeped in. Classmates were signalling me to go in... So I did.

"Halaaaa, ayan na si Moeee! Lagottt!"
"Ayan naaa! Ayan naaa!"

Without a clue about what was going on, I went to my seat at the back of the room and asked a classmate about it.

"Ano meron?"
"May game si Sir!"
"Talaga? Ayus!"

Professor shouts out, "Row one, column three!" Tina walks up front, faces the class and sits down.

Didn't pay much attention to what happened after that, since I was still busy asking my classmate about the mechanics and who was leading and which team I was in and what was the prize and all that.

Minutes later I look up. Tina was still seated. Only this time some dude was attached to her. Literally. Kevin, a classmate of mine, was kneeling down, holding her hand, and reciting the poem "How Do I Love Thee".

What the...

Two things were plain as day. First was this was all part of the game. Second was that these two liked each other. Sparks flew.

The people who "knew" about how I felt looked at me. I smiled, pretending not to be affected. Trying so hard to live up to my reputation as the guy who didn't give a damn.

I looked down and blocked out everything. The people, the noise, the constant shouting of my name, then hers, then his. Most of all I blocked out the fact that it was him holding her hand... And not me.

I couldn't keep my composure. Felt my eyes tear up.

Damn.

Flashforward.

I haven't spoken to her since. I can't write. I feel like shit. And I have no plans of attending class next week.

See why I'm so depressed?



August 29, 2003
One Of Those Days

I was too depressed to blog last night. I still am. Escu's celebrating his birthday tonight. Perfect. I could use a few beers. I'll blog when I get back. Nothing like writing while you're drunk. You get to say everything AND more.

August 28, 2003

Sneaker Dork

Grad ball was four months ago. Was finally able to get my pictures yesterday. Hilarious. Wanted to show 'em to a few of my classmates. Entered the council with around eight wallet-sized ones. Left with zilch. Hmm, this was a new. First time people actually asked for my picture. Five minutes of fame. Weeee.



Formal attire my foot.

Mars Attacks!

I stand corrected. Mars will roughly be the size of a full moon... Through a telescope. Stupid me.

"Looks like an enormous and very distant Christmas light... But the thought that the last time this happened was back in the stone ages... Wow." - Fiona

Wow indeed. Ran out of credit texting everyone about it last night. Last message sent was to Tesa. And guess who comes after Tesa in my phonebook... Tina. Damn.

Ooooh, you guys still don't know about Tina. Soon as Cap and I figure out how to transfer images from his mobile to my computer without spending, I promise you will.

I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather look at the sky for an hour than watch any of those poorly-dubbed idiotic telenovelas.

Sky-gazers unite.

August 27, 2003

I'm Back Like A Vertebrae

Yeah I know the grammar's off. Not MY line. Ten bucks goes to whoever tells me from what song that line's from. Be a good sport, no search engines. Heh.

Hey everyone, miss me? *Cough* Geez, been a while. More than a month now I believe. Got so much to write about. Problem is, I don't bloody know where to begin.

I think I promised some insights on the whole college ordeal. Let's start with that.

Lisa's

I wasn't exactly that adventurous during the first few weeks of college. Lunch meant McDonalds, or Jollibee, or BK, or Chow King, or the famous USTeak. I soon realized that my wallet didn't seem to agree with those kinda places.

Ergo...

Carinderias. A must during college life. Just keep a few antibiotics with you. Sizzling, RJB, Almers, BRB, Cocoy, Momos, Cely's and a few others I obviously forgot to mention.

And then there's Lisa's. Me and my buddies go there almost everyday. Yep, our own personal paradise outside school. Breaded pork chop dish with two servings of toyo-colored rice, a Pepsi and unlimited sabaw all for a whopping forty bucks. Beat that. 'Course, I suffered from a slight case of diarrhea when I first tried it out. My body's immune now.

"Ansarap! Lasang dagat!"

I just found out that my favorite soup in the whole world is a mix of tap water and MSG.

Drat.

MKOG

There's this girl. Second year stude from the same college. First time I saw her was during our freshman tour. She sat in front of me at the orientation. Oops, it happened again.

Wow.

She had the most amazing hands with each of her fingernails painted in a different color. Glasses, (and you all know how I'm such a sucker for girls with glasses) braces, whole lotta bracelets that I think she made herself, and she had a pair these out-of-this-world shoes. Oh yeah, one tiny detail I almost forgot... She was doggoned PRETTY.

We're both members of the student council so I see her around a lot now. Almost everyday. She walks, my head turns. She waves, my knees shake. She speaks, I get all nervous.

"Moe, crush mo si ano noh?"

Moe quote:
"Crushes are for short skirts and long legs and big boobs and sweet faces."

Ask any of my friends. I never exactly fall for the model-type-hot-chick that every OTHER guy goes after. Yeah, so they're nice to look at, but I'd rather hang out with someone who's uhm... Different.

THIS girl was different. She was COOL. She was SMART. She didn't give a fuck what other people thought. If Avril sat beside her, Avril would look like dirt. And I'm not kidding.

This girl rocked.

"Cap, Cap! MKOG!" My Kind Of Girl.

New Old Phone

Nokia's 5510 came out what, two years ago? Phone had the two things that I wanted in a mobile. First was the Qwerty keypad. This was perfect since I don't use shortcuts when messaging plus it increased my "texting" speed by nine characters.

Second goes without saying. MUSIC. Stores around fifteen tracks in MP3 format. Most of my friends know how cranky and shitty I become when I don't get to listen to any of my bitchin' rock music.

Finally got a hold of one around a month ago. Fourth hand, relatively good condition, headset not included. Traded in a 7110 plus five hundred bucks for it. Bargain of a lifetime, considering the fact that the fucker cost eight grand first time it came out.

Yeah, I've heard of the 3300. Seventeen grand? Bullpoop.

That's my tracklist on the right.


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